Help! I’ve Lost My Sense of Style.

I interrupt your evening with a quick winge... and come to Jesus moment.

It’s 6:30-something AM. The morning light illuminates my bedroom, and I notice a foot in my face. It belongs to my two year-old; the same two year-old that prefers my bed to his own. The same two year-old whose name I say more each day than my own. He springs up, ready to kick start the day with wide eyes and a level of vigor I didn’t know existed without coffee.

In a bid to ease my sanity each morning, I’ve come to lay my son’s outfits out the night before. What started as a showcase of newborn looks shared daily with my in-laws would become an insignificant ‘to-do’ for my toddler. Afterall, at his age, clothes are only there to attract stains, not praise. Regardless, this simple act had come to replace the very same act I would perform for myself before becoming a parent.

As a teenager, I was obsessed with fashion. I had Russh, The City, and FashionTV (remember, anyone?) I thrifted, I experimented, and went through many, while tame, phases. I thought everyday about what my outfits would say to the world; about the kind of woman I wanted to be. In those days (I’m talking the late 00s, early 10s), my grunge era turned to boho, boho to blazers. I dressed for me (and not for boys), and spent far too much time trying to be model-thin.

My career also kept my sense of style in check through the years. I was regularly inspired by the outfits donned by my media colleagues, provided recommendations on emerging labels and second-hand stores to check out. Multiple stints working in retail had also bettered my understanding of how to dress for my figure - which I’m told leans toward ‘Hourglass’… or is it ‘Classic’? (see the Kibbe body type trend).

These days are different. In place of outfit planning, scrolling Pinterest and shopping are hours spent racing toy cars and toilet training. Every parent will know the struggle of losing personal time to time spent child-rearing. And while we would happily trade hours of alone time for a strong connection with our children, that’s not to say life is made any easier or fulfilling. Where following trends and styling myself each day reads like a first-world, self-serving act, it was in this very act I had come to base so much of my identity.

And it doesn’t appear to be an issue confined to parents. How many of us can say we still shop at the same stores we did ten years ago? I mean, is there anywhere a gal can buy a top that’s not cropped?! I’m sure we’ve all heard about the ban on side parts, shift away from skinny jeans, and - as I recently discovered first-hand - sneakers over heels at the club (yes, I was kicked out of a line at Kings Cross for my ‘inappropriate’ two inch stilettos).

For me, it all began with pregnancy, where keeping comfortable was an absolute priority. My husband would query my Adam Sandler-esque fits, swapping cigarette pants for elasticised sweats. My postpartum era leant on breastfeeding friendly tops and other vomit-riddled wears. A return to work and a child in daycare gave me reason to consider my wardrobe again - a freedom not appreciated enough. But with work from home entitlements running on post-COVID, I’ve found myself back in the swing of selecting uncoordinated, unbothered uniforms.

I wonder how I got here, and whether I’d ever get back to the way I was. Ever-evolving TikTok trends - from the clean girl aesthetic to the mob wife era - get lost on time-poor parents. No longer do I keep up with ‘who’s who’ of the fashion world and, perhaps more frighteningly, little do I care. Following trends is unsustainable and therefore, ill advised for anyone. But giving up entirely on ‘looking my best’ is a fate I’d rather not fall into. It’s time to begin again.

I’ll start with the basics. Many have discovered colour analysis, whereby individuals can best understand the shades that suit them according to their skin, eye and hair colours. From the looks of things, I’m a ‘True Summer’ and can therefore narrow my clothing search to fuchsia pinks, navies and emeralds. Here’s a cheat video I watched to figure this out:

@alykimaReplying to @sabrina.n.smith use no makeup and natural lighting 🤍 color analysis in less than a minute. these are generalizations and there are subtleties to this, so work with a profressional for the best result! #coloranalysis #colorseasons #colorseason #personalcoloranalysis #colorpalette

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Next, a capsule wardrobe should be considered. Spend money on timeless basics in neutral shades. And while talks of building a capsule wardrobe is often reserved for the workplace, doing the same for casual daycare drop-offs should follow suit. I talk myself into wearing my favourite pieces even when I don’t plan on leaving the house. Adding a slick of mascara and painting my nails can work wonders for my confidence, too.

So, I mustn't forget to lay the damn outfit out the night before. Because if I’m being real, that five minutes spent running over my wardrobe in advance is important for the sake of my mental health long-term. Just like that 20-minute run you ought to take before bub wakes up. Or the monthly therapy sessions we need not cancel. Or the occasional Sunday spent lounging around, watching Boy Swallows Universe and reading TELL ME ABOUT IT. Perhaps it’s just the ticket to that hit of morning vigor we’re missing?

Hero image: Mark Arrigo for Wonderland